on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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