I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
did you just send me my own nude
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
