Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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