I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
