My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
