his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
