No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
