and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
