Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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