I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
