i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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