lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
