Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
