you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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