It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize