I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize