I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
