bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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