just come out here and I will go home with you...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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