Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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