Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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