Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
