SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
