Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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