I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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