I wish I could punch you in the face.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Randomize
