I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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