So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
