I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
