Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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