I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
