he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
