he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize