puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
