So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
