He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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