the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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