I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
