we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
