I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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