so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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