I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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