hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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