A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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