areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
