I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
