Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
