Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
