Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
