he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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