My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize