Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
