I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Damn victory sex feels great
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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