Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry fluff_n_stuff hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(845): View more from New York

think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

you traded sex for a burrito?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

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(703): View more from Virginia

I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.

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(305): View more from Florida

Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.

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