I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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