ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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