it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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