ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
