God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
