Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Pants are for mortals
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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