wanna go halves on a baby?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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