Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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