just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
