ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
