I puked a lego.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
