The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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