So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Found the puke drawer
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
