she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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