I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
