I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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