all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
