margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
