Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
