Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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