I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
