last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
