i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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