I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
