I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
