Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
