well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
