other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
