at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
