I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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